I have a hard time believing that fifteen months ago, I ran a half-marathon. 13.1 miles. Only took me a little over two hours. This morning I ran a little less than four miles. It took me 42 minutes, and every step was a battle. I'm getting slower. I'm losing stamina. I'm getting old, and I'm not happy about it.
I rarely, if ever, exercised before becoming a mom. I wasn't skinny but didn't have weight problems. I ate pretty much what I wanted within reason. My husband and I both went through our "fat and happy" stage after we got married, but we did a year of Weight Watchers and took the honeymoon pounds off. Two pregnancies - with a weight gain of 45 pounds each time - made me doughy and heavy-looking for the first time in my life. I enjoyed my babies when they were tiny and didn't worry about it, but as they grew, I wanted to lose weight for myself. My husband had been running, and although I didn't think I could do it, I started running with him. Running became one of the great loves of my life. For me, it staves off depression, releases stress, eases anxiety, and has the added benefit of helping keep me in shape. Never in a million years did I ever think I could call myself a runner; actually, I still kind of feel like an impostor when I say I am one. But running has been a huge gift to me.
I still love to run. I was great about sticking to my training plan when I was preparing for my half. We are lucky enough to live somewhere with a nice climate (although I have to run pretty early in the morning during the summer months if I don't want heat stroke). We have great running trails near us. Everything is set up for me to be successful at this endeavor! So why am I gaining weight? Why, why WHY???
It's so easy, and so tempting, to simply blame it on what I've always heard: that since I'm pushing forty, my metabolism is slamming into a brick wall and there's just nothing I can do about it. But if I'm being completely honest with myself, I know there is more to it than that. My mother has had some health issues over the past year (more on that later), and unfortunately, I'm one of those people who copes with stress by eating. A lot. Of things that aren't good for me. I also relied a little too heavily on those aforementioned and beloved glasses (er, bottles?) of wine to "take the edge off" during the time I was worrying about my mom. Add in the traditional holiday pig-outs and lack of exercise, and it's not hard to see why I have added ten pounds without even noticing...until the pants get too tight, of course.
I know it's not going to be as easy to drop this weight as it was when I was younger. I've got to make better food choices. That will benefit my whole family, not just me. I need to make running and other exercise a priority. I rarely feel motivated to do it, but I am NEVER sorry after I do. In short, I've got to stop making my age my excuse. I didn't run fast today...but I DID run, and that's better than nothing.